I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
