i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
