My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
