this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
