U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone