I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?