Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.