Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually