she sounds like chewbacca in bed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.