my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
