So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
