Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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