Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
