Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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