Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
