He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
