I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
