fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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