so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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