all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
