I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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