Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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