I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
