Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
