fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
