Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
