you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
