One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
