I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
