My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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