Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
