So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
