I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
