i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
