brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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