i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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