Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's never too late to be topless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
