I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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