well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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