This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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