I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
