Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
