So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
