I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Damn victory sex feels great
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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