just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
