I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
