ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There r osticjed everywhere
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
