She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
