my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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