I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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