Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So many bounce houses so little time
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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