Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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