The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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