Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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