hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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