yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
