I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
