he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
