I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
