I wish my penis had an off switch
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
