Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
