She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
