Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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